Old Man

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Old Man
Original Broadcast Date
Joe Frank
Narrative Monologue, 25 minutes
Preceded by: Thief
Followed by: A Conversation

About a year ago I met a woman on Facebook.

Old Man is a radio program produced by Joe Frank and aired as part of KCRW's UnFictional Series. It was originally broadcast November 13, 2012.


2:00: Joe recounts 'meeting' a woman on Facebook, getting interested in each other, then meeting in person. She wasn't interested in him; he attributed this to his frailty.

4:50: Joe reads 2 imagined singles' ads from old women, their unattractiveness.

5:50: Joe tells of going to a dinner party. He couldn't keep up with the conversations, spilled food and wine on himself, fell off the sofa.

8:00: People open doors for him, including a little girl, which Joe resents.

9:00: On the way to an anger management class, 4 college students in a Carrera cut him off, angering him; they're dismissive of his anger, because he's old. He threatens them floridly. Joe threatens to disembowel one of them, feed him to his dog, Ollie.[1]

10:40: He's on a college campus on a beautiful autumn day. He knows the students ignore him. He remembers when he was young. When it rains, they dance, he takes shelter. Afterwards all the students are gone, except 1 dressed as a clown; Joe imagines pushing him into the duck pond.

12:40: Joe observes that one doesn't experience one's own death, that it's just a problem for others.

14:30: Joe imagines what a mortician's life must be like.

15:00: Joe imagines living on the beach in Rio.

16:00: Joe loses his train of thought in the middle of sentences, naps in the afternoon, hobbles between rooms.

16:40: Joe talks about the different ways people die.

18:30: Joe talks about people flirting with or courting death, the process of dying.

19:40: Joe recalls when he dressed as a chicken, danced on a street corner to call attention to a furniture store. In a bar afterwards he met a prostitute; they talked about furthering their professional goals. Then he went to the bathroom, a turd broke in half, one half staying attached to his butt, the difficulty cleaning up.[2]

21:10: Joe tells of getting involved with an oak tree behind his house. When his friends found out about it, they encouraged him to try taxi dancing instead. He danced with the same woman for weeks, until she disappeared. By that time his tree had taken up with an investment banker, breaking his heart.

24:20: Joe talks about the difficulty of a parting hug, not being the last to break the embrace.

Legacy Synopsis

A comic take on the trials of being old and facing death. A light-hearted and whimsical show (as Joe has described it), Old Man looks into the harrowing and absurd future we all must face.

Contains the bit where Joe is dressed like a chicken and advertising a furniture store.


Additional credits

External links


  1. Ollie was the name of his neighbors' dog in Insomnia, the name of the dog the guy happy with his 9-millimeter shot in Problems, his faithful companion in Tomorrow
  2. 'On the media' aired this excerpt in their obit of Joe.