Bottle For A Headstone

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Bottle for a Headstone [1]
Original Broadcast Date
December 6, 2004
Joe Frank
56 minutes
Preceded by: Duplicity
Followed by: Fire

I stand before you an innocent man.

Bottle for a Headstone is a program Joe Frank produced as part of the series Online. It was originally broadcast on December 6, 2004.


  • Joe in the courtroom defending himself against her accusations, but he knows absurdly too much about her home and lifestyle. His alibi: treating young children with horrific diseases, but his witness cannot appear because of a restraining order. Flirting with a juror. I object!
  • Later, defending himself against his incensed girlfriend: seducing his lovely female listeners, a tearful, intimate goodbye with his a manly way.
  • Dreaming he's a diplomat at a reception. Smelling horrible, covered in urine and feces.
  • Intellectual conversations with a porn star.
  • His psychotherapist recommends necrophilia.
  • "Joe Frank is a character." A paradoxical loop: this is not my voice, I am only a mouthpiece for Joe Frank.
  • Father Malcom seduces Bertram, who has a revelation, then becomes mute and joins a motorcycle gang.
  • "You can best follow the instruction book on virtuoso piano playing by simply depressing the keys in the correct order."
  • Then Bertram becomes a mime and plays at Carnegie Hall. He's visited in the hotel by Veronica, who tells him of a scheme to manufacture artificial time. Then Bertram makes up excuses to try to end the encounter. Then: a knock at the door and it's her client--she's a hooker.
  • The nature of time. "Life is simply the punchline of a joke told backwards."
  • Then they killed Father Malcolm? (I lost track here, 40 to 50 minutes)



  1. Ginsberg, Kerouac, and Cassady each wrote alternate lines seeing only the line before. Robert Frank and Alfred Leslie made a short film based on it in 1959 - this rendition's singer is Lynn Sheffield.