God Only Knows

The fact is that Joseph fell into a deep depression when his fiancee Mary became impregnated by God.

God Only Knows[1]
Somewhere Out There
Original Broadcast Date
March 10, 1996
Joe Frank
Absurd Monologue, 55 minutes
Preceded by: The Road To Calvary
Followed by: Just Get Me Out Of Here

God Only Knows is a program Joe Frank produced as part of the series Somewhere Out There. It was originally broadcast on March 10, 1996.


Joe gives his account of the story of Joseph, father of Jesus: Mary is bright and witty while Joseph is hesitant and withdrawn; he feels that Mary betrayed him with God. He becomes a drunk and a tramp.

Joseph resents Jesus's success, suspects his 'miracles' are tricks, is secretly happy at the crucifixion.[1]

11:20: Joe tells us that God was following the example of previous gods, cites Zeus's dalliances.

12:40: Joe's mother, Frederika Frank, tells the story of her unhappy marriage at age 18 to a 42-year-old man (Meier Langermann). He was wealthy while her father was a failure in business. She was unhappy in her family, disappointed that the boy she wanted to marry wouldn't marry her, she wanted to get out of the house. The rest of the family was happy because her husband's wealth would save the family's fortunes.[2] She unconsciously fought off his unappealing advances, got sick skiing.[3][4][5]

30:10: Joe tells of driving in Midwest; he stops at motel, sleeps, gets up and leaves, thinking it's sunrise, but it's sunset, so he drives through the night. Avoiding a semi in his lane Joe drives off the road into a ditch, upside-down. He walks to a bar, chats up a woman who misses 7th-grade boyfriend, how much she likes bars.

36:20: Joe tells of Adam & Eve from Adam's point-of-view.[1]

47:30: Joe recounts last night's dream: a machine-gun nest in the balcony of an apartment building fires into a restaurant; no one seems to mind being shot.

49:00: Joe's next dream: beautiful woman with long scarf riding in Tuscany in an expensive sports car with handsome Joe.

49:30: Joe reads a medical journal, realizes carbon monoxide and Parmesan cheese is the solution to drought in Africa - so he rides to Mexico City with 1-armed Japanese woman driver. They drive into a tortilla factory, blowing it up.

51: Joe asks us who we hang out with, asks if it's motorcycle guys or academics.

51:40: Joe asks children's questions: where does the rain come from? why does a flower grow? how long is it until Christmas?…

Legacy Synopsis

Joseph the jealous father. God was following the precedents of previous gods: Zeus, etc. Gods have feelings too. A woman tells a story about being a young bride married to an older man in Europe in the 20s. Stopping at a hotel and waking up and leaving the same evening and getting in a car accident. Joe repeats a story from a woman in a bar about falling in love in the 9th grade. First person story of Adam and eve. Dreams: a machine gun nest on an apartment firing on people who don't notice, a man and woman in a sports-car in Italy. Nonsense monologue: solving drought in Africa, driving to Mexico, drinking buddies, children's questions ("Where does the rain come from?"),


This is an incomplete record of the music in this program. If you can add more information, please do.

Additional Credits

The original broadcast credits state: "Created in collaboration with David Rapkin. Recorded, edited, and mixed by Theo Mondle. Music production by Bob Carlson. Special thanks to Kristine McKenna, Jennifer Ferro, Carly Eiseman, and Esmé Gregson."


  1. 1.0 1.1 re-used in Holy Land and Bible Stories
  2. He did get her, her mother, brother and sister and their families out before the war. Her brother took over the business when Mr Langermann died young, only 56, in 1943.
  3. They stayed at the Kulm Hotel in St. Moritz on their honeymoon.
  4. Joe, their only child, was born 9 years later.
  5. re-used in Higher Learning